Reinventing me

I am in one of my pensive, who am I and who should I be modes today, and I have a feeling I am about to reinvent me again. Lately I notice that I am getting slightly more mellow, but at the same time focusing more. Not to worry, I am still scatterbrained and lost often. In fact, just today I have set diet goals and then eaten possibly the worst day of food yet. I also got very involved in a long conversation with a dear friend about the merits of dying hair. I was meant to be studying, but instead I listened to the radio. For three hours.

Even in the midst of all of this, I have a feeling something is just about to happen - some big change. This isn't some ESP on my part, although it may be wishful thinking. There is an ongoing theme in my life that is getting stronger - a need to make a change. In the past two years I have gotten a pretty clear idea of what isn't working for me, what brings me down, and what I am going to do about it, in time. Now the time time feels close.

There is also a something that is unfinished, a loose end that continues to spin around in the playground of my mind. That's the something I hope is about to take form, finally. My ideas of how to practice law, and in a bigger sense, how to live my life, are very nearly crystallized, and this loose end feels like the final cherry on top. If I can only force this thing into the light, instead of hiding from it, I believe I may have "figured me out" for a few years.

Meanwhile, I will make meatloaf, and interfere in friends' lives, and try very hard to love my hair. I doubt I will really lose weight though I want to, and I probably won't ever be a great fan of restraint (of food or anything else). Maybe I'll just give up on the diet idea, or maybe I'll get serious. For sure, though, I know something is near.