I got a stalking order on Monday. The man I got it against is someone I was once involved with, but that was three years ago. It ended badly, and I have had lingering sadness and regret about how things went back then, so I understand how it still affects him. However, I was shocked, and confused, to hear through the police that according to this man, he felt justified in following me (in his car. while i was on foot. several times. and to a race where my daughter and i were, far away, where he stood, stared, watched us, paced - and then left??) - anyway, he apparently feels that I should not be in the areas I am in. Near his work (note - I didn't actually know where he worked, since we are obviously no longer friends; also, now that I do know, I can safely say the closest I get to that business is a mile away, and this is all in the area of a major major intersection in our town - you know, the WalMart, grocery store, shoe store, McDonald's, Wild Oats, gas station, bookstore intersection). That was my foul apparently -
I feel rather vindicated that a judge agreed with me -- I was actually afraid I would not be able to get help here. But, on a bad note, he was served at work, and the sheriff had to read the order out loud to him. I didn't really want that, since I find that humiliating. I suppose he brought it on himself, but I can only hope that he realizes now that I really did mean it. I really do not want to be followed. Not on foot, not in a car, not in a boat, not from afar. I really did try to give him an opportunity to explain, or quit, or even to spew anger at me, but it came to this.
And still I am hunkered down, a bit afraid to run my usual routes, a bit afraid to even leave my house.
Right up until I went to the courthouse I didn't think this person would hurt me, but reading his police report info, and then talking to the cops, I am not sure. I am pretty scared now. Because a person who thinks I "deserve" to be followed is scary, and as the cop said, for every time I SAW him, there were very like two or three others that he was there and I didn't notice.
I am shivering a little right now.
The worst part is, this is someone I knew, loved, was involved with. How did this happen?
Do I attract insanity? Or is it me who is crazy?
Twitter Updates
Things to come in '10
- Friends - past and present and future - to share it with
- six minute miles
- A Killers concert
- more time with four great kids
- the Bar (hmm, and after the Bar, the bar?)
- more tears, more laughs, more flirting and more chaos
- lots more charity runs
- skydiving
- Africa
- Mount Kilamanjaro
- Greece and Italy
- Triathalon
- A job....
Things I have done in my life
- worked in the federal court system for a great judge
- voted for Clinton (Bill), Bush (junior) and Nader(the only)
- flirted to get a free drink, to get out of a ticket and to distract someone
- ran from the Bay to the Breakers
- got married in Vegas
- learned that I don't know much
- Europe
- cried honest tears over someone else's pain
- raised four fine kids
- started a nonprofit
- the marathon
4 comments:
I think it would be one thing if he were acting all crazy because you guys just broke up, and he was following you because he thought you were seeing someone else and he wanted to know who it was. Not that it would excuse it, but that would be significantly less crazy than what he's doing now. What is wrong with him that he's still obsessed with you three years after you've broken up? I'd start bringing pepper spray with you when you go running if I were you.
Very scary. :( Stay safe!
A comment about your questioning "how this could happen" and whether "you attract crazy"...I was stalked by a stranger many years back, so I have some understanding of the vulnerability you may feel. Taking action as you did is good. This sends a message that you are not intimidated (even if you are!) It is also important for women to always be aware of their surroundings. This is for all women, not just in your case, but EVERY time we walk to our cars; EVERY time we pass an alley-way, etc. Don't let yourself give in to fear, but do listen to your inner voice and heighten your awareness of your surroundings.
As far as not recognizing these traits in someone your cared for...don't punish yourself for this. Looking for the best in other people is a good thing, and sometimes when we fall in love we fall in love with the person we hope we see. Certainly during your courtship and relationship he must have suppressed the types of behavior you are seeing now. Long ago I had an abusive boyfriend. People don't understand how anyone can become involved with a person like that. I can only explain that - you don't get punched in the face on your first date. These things start slowly, and usually after you have invested trust and affection in the person you "hope you see".
Learn from the experience, recognize the signs, be kind to yourself, be confident, be safe, and move on. Good luck.
I know we've all had thos relationships that ended badly and we wonder why but I can't even imagine going through what you are dealing with! I am so sorry! How sad that you can't trust the people you would think you can trust. Definately be safe but also stay strong!
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