Who will I be in law school?

A comment below made me think alot about the image I want to present of myself, in school and in my career. It hadn't occurred to me to "put on" a new image, but I suppose that is an idea worthy of consideration, especially since up to this point my main identifiers were as someone's daughter, someone's wife, or the "mom of all those girls."

It isn't like I didn't have a job, or hobbies, or my own personality. I've just been mainly, daughter, wife, or mother, for most of my life.

Which is funny since my husband is not mainly "my husband" at work or even in our social set.

And my dad is not mainly "my dad" in his life.

So who do I want to show - the image I am used to, "mom of all those girls" and a student as an aside? The avid volunteer, which is what I think of myself as during most times when I am out in the world? The seeker of knowledge, which is how I feel when I walk into my school? The friend, which is a comfortable role for me in almost any setting? Or some amalgamation of these?

I think I agree with the commenter below - at least for now, the kids are not going to be part of my conversation, and neither is the husband. I need to build up me as me, before I get stuck into that "mom of lots of kids" role.

And I don't want to play the NonTraditionalStudent role too heavily either, even though, with my thirty-fifth birthday coming up on Thursday, it is pretty outwardly obvious that I didn't just leave a barely-legal kegger last night. I can keg stand with the best of them. But why would I want to LOL?

Definitely don't want to be the gunner, and am pretty sure I don't have "it" all together enough to even play that card.

I may turn into a bit of a joiner, just to get more familiar with people.

And I may also fly under the radar in each class and activity, at the beginning.

I will probably try to find a study partner.

And I may not be interested in a study "group" of more than three at the most.

It is fun to ponder this "who can I invent myself into" stuff. Because otherwise I think I might be getting a bit more nervous each day.

By request - books I found useful

I didn't take any prep courses, etc, for the LSAT, but I did doggedly work about forty of the previous exams released under that "10 Actual Official LSATs" or some such. Don't know if most of you have taken the LSAT already- but I obviously have, and I did ok. So I am a big believer in those books because while I know mine isn't the highest possible score, it isn't too bad for that small amount of prep.

I think all prospective law school students should read 1L. Seriously. Or have the book on tape, read by Turow. It is classic, a bit scary going in, but just a great read.

For actual law school prep:
Planet Law School II. Get it. Read it. Live it. Seriously.

Close runner-up : Law School Confidential

Getting a grip on some law basics before law school:
Examples and Explanations as follows:
The Law of Torts
Civil Procedure
Contracts
Constitutional Law
Property

Beginning to master some necessary skills:
Learning Legal Reasoning
The Bluebook

Exam taking book I didn't quite get yet:
How to Do Your Best on Law School Exams
And the one I am hoping will be more palatable for me:
Getting to Maybe

And the book my school requires before orientation, which I have really found helpful:
1000 Days to the Bar

I will think about this and maybe come up with some of the titles that did NOT help. There were several that I got through ILL or looked over in bookstores, and found them to be less than helpful but I don't just want to diss anything out of hand. What works for me, or doesn't, might not be the right thing for another person. I am very sure of the E and E stuff though, and PLS II. The rest - optional for Type A folks I suppose...

Law School Exams Book

Been trying hard to finish the last piece of PLS2's recommended reading, the law school exam book. It is just defeating me for some reason. All the E and E's I rocked at, the CALI lessons I enjoyed even when I didn't do great on certain topics, the Learning Legal Reasoning book was great and helpful. But for five days I have been working on this book, slowly and with great effort, and for some reason it just isn't sinking in. So I think I am going to give "Getting to Maybe" a shot and then come back to the PLS rec, since so far Atticus Falcon has given me some wonderful material.

I'm wondering if my state of mind/attitude are the problem. It seems odd to put huge attention on law school exams, at this point. I have nothing to work through yet, not even old exams of the professors I am assigned to, and for me, working as I read is pretty crucial to the learning process, whether it is taking notes, doing examples, writing up short hypos myself, just generally applying the stuff as I go.

Side note: sorry for being rather personal in my last post. It has been a long year. Very glad to get back to focusing on law school - looking back leaves us wide open to tripping as we walk forward.

How Not To Save a Life

Gosh now I committed to telling it and I feel funny and unsure of how much to share.

As I alluded to previously, I had a very hurtful, embarrassing situation which in part spurred me into law school. A man and I started a nonprofit together - I was on the board with another friend and this man, and he was going to do urban ministry, as was I. The thing went south and the man ran off. With some money. From my church, my pocketbook, and so on.

We had gone through the entire 501(c)3 process, which if anyone out there is remotely familiar with, they will identify as one of those grueling, mind numbing, life stealing IRS things you don't forget. I was a big old geek. I loved it. Researching the laws, writing up the necessary stuff, all of it was gravy in my life.

And I loved this friend, the man who eventually deserted the effort. He was close to my family, my kids, and my heart. Something fairly bad happened, and he ditched the nonprofit. And he ditched me, right in the middle of it, having to explain, repay, and answer for all that happened. I wasn't totally innocent. I knew he was on the edge of some places he shouldn't be, that he wasn't where he needed to be in his heart, but really - this was a bit much. For a full year, as I have been working my way into this passion for the law, I have been working my way out of consequences that should have been his and mine, and more rightly, mainly his.

On Friday, I found him. He was sitting in a McDonald's. I waited for him to go to the bathroom, and when he returned he found me sitting in the booth with his computer, with my feet propped up on his side. (Ironically, I was wearing my favorite "Run Like A Girl" tank top - appropos, yes?) I basically opened with, "Hi. Long time no see. How the f*() do you sleep at night?"

And it went on from there, very Springer-esque for a bit. Yelling, him being defensive and me being my level best bitch.

After that calmed, we talked. And I came to understand (or get snowed again, depending on your perspective) a bit of his side. I still don't agree with him, and I still told him he was wrong and needed to make reparations himself. But the biggest thing here was closure. I asked for and also gave, forgiveness. I looked this man in the eye and saw something so broken and bent and hurting, and it didn't give me satisfaction. It just made me sad.

So, I hope that explains a little of the big question mark I left hanging back a few posts ago, and if anyone is interested, the end result here is a no result. No one is friends again. No one made reparations but me. No promises were made. But I don't feel like I am waiting for that moment when I can let out all the poison anymore.

Law School Picnic, Part Two

Well, I went. With my husband and kids. I was the only person there with a husband AND kids - and definitely the only person there who was a + five. That was kinda fun though because kids actually do open doors to talk to people.

I really made good conversation with two people specifically, one young woman who has been a paralegal and a guy the same age as me who has been in my former field, PR. We all stuck together and made our own "clique." We have even jokingly decided to wear our "URSCHOOLHERE Law" T shirts on the same day each week so that people know we are a team.

Both of them are B section folks. I am a section C person. I did not meet a single person in section C, but I was in a very laid back, hang out and just watch people mode. I did get recognized by several people from my scholarship interview process, professors and 3Ls. That was pretty embarrassing since I of course like staying under the radar as "the" scholarship winner. My two new pals hadn't even been sure they were accepted into school until early summer, and I didn't want to be braggy and say "I was in three weeks after I applied and I have a full ride" because let's be real - in the great scope of things that isn't important to anyone but me. And possibly my husband who will not have to pay tuition as long as I keep my act together.

It has been such an odd weekend. Because several posters have asked about my horrible, embarrassing way into law school, I am going to make another post to give you all an update of sorts because this weekend, ten days before I start orientation, that old scab got peeled back a bit.

Family Law Picnic

Today is the first event of the law school year, an informal picnic put on by the SBA. My kids are very excited about this event, my husband isn't really wanting to have to go (not his kind of function) and I am a bit of both. Nerves are winning right now, because I'm not sure what one wears to this kind of in between function and there are just so many of us in my family, we will stand out from the start. I need to work this into a good thing, my first piece of the image I will be presenting in school.

But it is exciting to get a look at my classmates and maybe even meet a few section mates, and to DO something. I need the distraction after a weird, sad, peacemaking weekend encounter with an old friend. This is perfect timing, to begin this new thing.

So off to my closet to figure out what to wear in a semi-hot, possibly rain shower day in the park!

Overreaction

Yes, I was a tad too invested in that schedule release date. Consider me chastised, commenters!

I did get my schedule yesterday, but having already chilled by Friday night, it was not such a big deal.

For the poster who said "now you will be waiting for the book list" or something similar - nope, that came right with the schedule. So I did get a nice surprise.

For the other posters and email commenters, yes, I realize, this is the beginning of a bunch of letdowns in terms of law school administration. I am pretty old to throw a tantrum about it, like I did, though.

Too much sun and fun to write more - all summer I have been indulging in pool time, long walks, fiction reading (and writing!), and just general enjoyment of life. Interspersed obviously with obsessive compulsive Type A rants and worries and lists.

Back to my regularly scheduled fun....rum and diet Coke, Snicker bar, trashy book, and summer night air.

P00++d off level ten

My school did NOT release schedules despite their hard deadline, released by them, of July 20.

Nuff said.

I want my schedule

Now please.

This is like waiting for my LSAT score as others got theirs.

Ok not SO drastic as that maybe.

But still.

Please, just send the damn thing.

Today is the day you promised in your newsletter.

Please don't lie to me.

I can't take it.

LOL I am such a drama queen.

Like it matters, right?

But damn it....

Before I interrupt this semi-regularly scheduled program...

Clean up note - I will be changing the name of the blog in August. Because then I won't be a wannabe.

I thought for fun I might give some random and not totally identifying facts so that anyone reading along might know a bit about me, if they don't already. If you happen to figure out who I am from these few little trivial and obscure hints, well, then, I probably already know you too. Drop a line if you dare.

I am a blonde, but the shade changes with my mood.

My decision to go to law school came after an intensely humbling and humiliating mistake - but I won't call it a failure, since I got up and faced up. I even got slapped by a stranger for it. Call it my Jerry Springer moment, or more accurately, my Jerry Springer year.

I hate ice cream. Yes, all ice cream, and yes, I have always hated it, even as a child.

My best friend is married to a mule trader.

My dad is a hippie.

My mom is a Southern Baptist.

I can run pretty fast.

I listen to Ludacris, Eminem, Ella Fitzgerald, and Steven Curtis Chapman.

I watch British television.

I harbor a secret crush on Tony Blair.

And I think Bono has cornered the market on my personal causes.

So there. A few little things about me. There probably isn't much more to know that is worth putting in print :-).

Study spaces

In my ongoing craze of the week that schedules are finally released, I am trying to think how to arrange my office for best study practices.

This is not as easy or as straightforward as it sounds.

My real office is in the basement, with French doors, built in L-shaped desk, bookshelves and filing cabinets.

Good right?

Except - our basement flooded in the great "Children Unplugged the SumpPump the Night Before Flooding Rain" incident. Actual children will not be identified for fear of their permanent humiliation.

My office once had nice Berber carpet. It now has been stripped to concrete, and even after the dehumidifiers have done their magic, there is a stench of the water having been there. I am HOPING that bleaching the concrete and the bottom walls will help keep this smell and any residual mold (it will be tested) from overtaking our lives.

At this point, the office is pretty vacant, and I am just not sure what to do to make it right. Wall white boards? A big wipe off calendar? Inspirational posters or at least index cards? An area rug to contain sound, since recarpeting is NOT a financial option at this point? A couple of lamps, for when the overhead lighting feels too harsh?

And does anyone have ideas about things like candles, incense, etc? Do you prefer to have things smell nice while studying as I do?

Schedules in five days...

Our law school website updated in a sneaky way with revised schedules, so my little plan (see here) was pretty much destroyed. I had hoped, prayed, even pleaded, for a particular schedule, and now it has been altered at the last minute. Not drastically, but in a way that pretty much destroys why I wanted it in the first place.

I hope this is not a bad sign.

Suddenly the tasks ahead loom very large and frightening. I think this has a lot to do with my current secondary life goal (running a marathon, this October) going so poorly the last few weeks. And my run today was shit.

Maybe that means I am getting all the yucky stuff out of the way for easy sailing in 1L?

Or at least I am developing coping muscles, so when bad stuff comes I won't be quite so unprepared to deal?

Or it could mean I am in for a shitty year.

I choose A.

Alternatively, B.

Do you have a study partner or a study group?

What did you look for in this person or group of people?

How hard was it to find the right fit?

If you go it alone, do you feel you missed out on something that first year, with no study group or partner?

If you had a group, how much time do you feel was wasted in idle chatter and bad prioritizing?

If you had a partner, did you know them before school? Do you consider that person a close friend now, or is it less social and more business oriented?

Any tips or comments very welcome!

One month, one day to go

In one month and one day, I begin my school's "summer enrichment program" which is a dumb way of saying, orientation for those of us who have been out of school for a long time.

I am actually quite excited about this though. I don't so much feel like the day programs will be as useful as I think getting my hands on a routine (drive length, parking, lunch spots, study routine, etc) a week before official school starting will help me to tame my inner Type A.

Speaking of that bitch. She is going more than a little nuts because my school doesn't give us schedules until the last week of July or the first week of August. This date has actually moved back two weeks since I first asked about it. I am very frustrated on every level with this assanine and seemingly baseless course of action.

Do they not think about the fact that school will start less than three weeks after that time frame?

And that some of us have lives, i.e., kids or other dependents, to make adjustments for?

I have sneakily found the section schedules for each of the three sections and graphed them out in Excel to give myself SOME effing idea of how things could play out. One schedule is ideal for me both study habit and life wise, and the other two are varying degrees of hell. So I am planning on the worst one, and hoping for better, but damn - is it so hard???

Am I being totally unreasonable? Too Type A? Perhaps obssessing a bit too much? Is this the typical way a law school handles scheduling 1Ls?

Ah well I know this will pass, and on the bright side, I have a very supportive spouse who will be able to accommodate any schedule I get. But damn.

Damn.
Damn.
Damn.

That word is very intoxicating in triplicate.

I think I need some rum in this diet Coke. I bet you agree?