World AIDS Day

Tomorrow is a day when most of us will probably be doing errands and studying really hard. I would like to respectfully ask each person to reflect for a moment on how very blessed we are in health. Many, many people are not so lucky.

Studying

Guess we are all in the same boat, the one loaded with books, supplements, outlines and caffeine.

The ship still feels like it is more filled with water than floating...but it is starting to feel a little like we are all there, so I suppose, given the curve, that isn't too bad, maybe?

Study group was good today. I do feel like when I get in there, I figure out I know more than I thought I did. And then I also don't know nearly all that I need to. But other people know that stuff. So we exchange understandings of things.

I just hope we are right with our understandings. I do try to look everything up during or right after. Otherwise I am very possibly learning the wrong stuff. So far, though, my friend/study partner has held up his end very well. He hasn't been wrong yet.

Quietly afraid...

I wonder how many 1Ls are quietly in fear right now?

I know I am.

We get so much information and it runs together. I am not at all certain I can make sense of it in an essay format. I have been practicing. But they suck, seriously suck.

Will these get better if I practice daily up until the test, or is this what I have, at this point in my law school career?

Thanks-ful-ness

This year I am thankful for:

• the fact that I can be thankful - last year I was the least thankful person at the turkey
• very closely followed by a set of friends who held my hand, slapped my face, watched me puke (don't ask) and listened endlessly to my thankless self
• no more marathon training!
• an undamaged car - some bozo tried to back into me yesterday!
• healthy family
• the fact that we in America are overindulged, overfed, and generally have too much of everything, good and bad
• friends, new and old, who think I am funny
• kids, mine and other people's
• opportunity

And now for the bitch list. You knew there would be one. I am naturally an optimist and so I always love to share my concerns for the future with absolute certainty that one day these things will no longer be "bitches" but "thanks." Right on!

• Africa. What the hell are we doing, people? One-seventh of the world, give or take billions, is in need. See above for list of what we have too much of. Why are we such bad sharers? go here or here if you have some balls and a heart. Or just a heart. If you have a wallet and like cute clothes on the way to helping, try this one. If you wanna be cool like me, get a little physical and start training - there is one of these near you....
• Being out of shape. Yep. Age, food, all that ease (again, see above) make it way too easy to get flabby. Renewing my vow NOT to get fat(ter) in law school.
• Grudges. I admit here and now that I have a really bad habit of holding onto things that are long gone. This is one of those things I want to lay down, really bad. Just as soon as I get a little....
• Closure. There is still one situation in my life that needs a closed door. I have talked about it from time to time here, and don't feel the need to regurgitate. I want some progress on this one. It is a deeply cherished dream that would obliterate my worst grudge.
• People who ride my ass while I'm driving. Please step off. We could be such good friends. Or at least I could stop cursing at you under my breath every day.

Nuff said? Let's all be thankful and work on having more to give thanks for next year. We aren't getting any younger.

Interviewing already???

OCI, internships and externships over the winter break, resumes, cover letters, all of this stuff is coming to bear right now?

Who knew?

I feel overwhelmed. Between dreams of failure, exam season looming and now the added pressure to get a job over winter break, I just don't know what to do first. I suppose this is the normal thing, as with every other roller coaster of hateful, crazy, up and down and all around emotion that has come my way in the past *f*** has it only been three and a half months it feels like years since 1L began*.

What can I possibly have to offer anyone over winter break? It isn't really that I don't want to work over the break, or that I feel like I need a break myself. The real problem here is, now I know what I don't know, and am all too aware of my inadequacies in terms of gainful legal employment. My legal writing blows (not even horrible ones but still - a C+? could someone really want to hire me when I have one A, three Bs of various leves and a C+ to show for HOURS of legal research and writing???) have served me the sad news - I just need alot more practice. And I don't want to mack up anyone's real life, real legal issues or real job, just because I need something (apparently?) on my resume for break.

Happy Thanksgiving. I will be thankful tomorrow. Today I am just - uncertain.

Outlines, part deux

In a quest to be ready for finals, I am going over the outlines I have been working on all semester. Some of my classmates are just beginning to outline; others are not planning to outline at all. I have been working with different students to be sure my outlines are complete, and also supplementing with the study aids I bought ages ago and then never touched again in the reading frenzy. Still I feel unsure, unprepared, uncertain that I can even comprehend this level of information.

Tomorrow I need to wrap up the outlining steps so that I can take those completed things with me in the car on the trip out of town for the weekend. I'm nervous because a) I won't be taking my books b) these outlines are the key to success in my opinion and c) I'm just plain not sure it was a good idea to outline as I went.

Guess we will know in January. But right now I am just nervous. Our legal writing classes are over and done with, and I don't feel all that good about my grade there. I really need to comprehend the rest of this stuff so I can do some practice exams over the weekend....

Sigh. 1L angst is setting in a little I fear.

Time out

Today was a good bit of drivel and I will be so glad to be out of school. I know, I know, outlining and studying and so on. But let's face it - we all need a bit of a break from each other and That Building at some point don't we? Thanksgiving seems to provide that.

It is for sure the season of stress, as I continue to watch my good friends falter and fall. I want to come back renewed, ready to do what I must which includes being an encourager!

Productivity

Today I had a very crappy run. And it was a blessing.

First, I ran only about a fourth of my planned route and felt crappy the whole time.

But my big achievement was not pushing myself to finish just because it was planned. I ran hard but finished when my body was ready today.

And because, I think, of this obedience, I had the best day in a long while for studying. I achieved so much - Torts is up to date in outlining, with some sidework completed; property supplement is begun; resume is updated; future interests and estates is reviewed; a huge writing assignment is completed and turned in; several "must get to it" emails are finished; friends I have left in the dark for a long time are corresponded with; and just all day I stayed on task. This never happens.

I do believe there is a power in giving in to your body and to what is happening around you. today I looked forward to studying and concentrating and that is precisely what happened. There is one matter that lurks still in the back of my mind to resolve but I kinda think it is more pleasing to let it lurk than to put it to bed, just yet.

Housekeeping notes for those who are following - I also made decisions about a couple of pressing concerns of the week. I won't be divulging grades and I will be moving into the office tomorrow!

Onward and upward - I am going to indulge in some television and beer now!

Law School Etiquette

Is it bad form to have several different study groups? One for general study, one for cram sessions and quizzing each other, and one that is more of a "let's get together and work out our outlines so neither of us have gaps" kind of thing?

This is the current state of affairs for me:
One group, the one I have been in since almost day one, is fairly laid back and really doesn't study so much as do a few hypos and then close to exams really works together to get down key concepts.
Another group, much more cram oriented, but very very effective and also full of people I know are getting it with very little confusion. Two guys in this group and I are pretty well on the same level of thinking which is nice - we can really drill each other down and not feel bad about being pretty pointed and harsh when needed. I know some of you know what I mean.
Final group is really me and one othe person, both of us nontraditional and both of us wanting to put in the effort to make sure we understand stuff.
The make up of these groups is pretty funny - and all of the people I know I can learn from and with. But I'm wondering about whether this is bad form, this group slutting I am thinking of continuing.

Also, nother etiquette question. When grades come out, do you share them? Even with your closest friends do you stick to this weird "I did very well" or "I didn't do as well as I hoped" kind of shorthand? It seems unnatural.

Related, do you reveal your class rank to others? It's on your resume in my region so - what the heck? Doesn't that delete the need for the whole weird "very well" "well" "not as well" stuff?

This is a strange, strange world, law school, with its forced intimacy in so many ways and its complete standoffishness in others.

The Office Part Two

Thanks for the overwhelming support, ladies and gents. I get the key to my new office on Monday and it can't come soon enough as we are now in "open memo" and finals rush. What a blessing. I think I will really like my professor, as well - the one I am going to assist next summer. He is pretty easy to deal with and seems very laid back and talkative. So far so good.

Lots of things billowing on the horizon and yet damn those finals, keeping me in check from dreaming and being free!

An office

My law school professor, the one I have been offered an research job with for the summer, has offered me an office.

Effective now.

This poses a little problem.

One Ls don't get offices at my school. They get a room all together or the library, again, all together.

I am so tempted to move my life into this office where I would get privacy and quiet and some respite from the gossip and Youtube and facebook that distracts me in the library and the student room.

But how do you pull this kind of thing off when people are used to seeing you in certain spots?

It isn't a huge office but it has a window and a desk and shelves. I would be sharing it with a 3L who is rarely around.

Hmmmmmmmmm. The mind boggles.

Subtle Changes

It must be happening at school.

Cause I can feel the strange little differences.

People who were once very open and chatty are closing down. Others who were quite good natured are grumpy and sullen. Still others have those secret, almost smirky, smiles.

We have had a spate of grades - for papers and midterms and such. And with that influx of feedback has come a new feeling into the 1L class. I really don't like it.

Don't get me wrong. I have actually come out quite well numbers wise in almost all the graded things, and I am overall feeling just as confused and goofy as I figure most of the other students, good grades or not, are feeling. But I do not like that my fellow journeymen are judging both themselves and others by the small measures of progress we have received.

It's hard to explain that moment when you get an "A" and are thrilled but look to your left and then to your right and realize that two of the people now closest to you in this weird, forced intimacy that is law school 1L year, are both downcast. In my life, one of those people got a "B" and one a "C." Neither of those is fatal, and yet, in that moment, it felt like it for each of them.

Now I see why people are less free with their grade information - already many have begun to say they did "well" or "Very well" or "Not as good as I had hoped" which if you think about any of those phrases much, could describe "A-"s or "C"s depending on the student in each case.

Far worse than that moment when we line up at the Wall of Grades, is the next day, or two days later, when the students who truly did poorly (and poorly, as we are constantly reminded by the denizens of LawSchoolWisdom, really means, very well compared to the vast majority of the population who never undertake this level of education - whatever that means, because it sounds like so much bullshit to justify both the assinine curve and the denigration of most of the population as somehow less worthy?), anyway, when those students who got "C"s or even "B"s are truly depressed, or angry, or feeling very competitive with the other students. Those days are ugly and dark and not at all helpful to anyone, I think.

One friend this week was truly depressed; another has lost all sex drive and is perplexed; a third friend is becoming very cutting with remarks and hostile towards anyone she knows or even suspects did better than her grade wise. It is all so much more real when the people have names and your name is one of them.

So, I am still trying very hard to be that encourager. As rosy posy and freakishly unreal as it sounds, I am actually here to learn, but I don't want to get "better" at the expense of someone else. It is becoming more and more clear to me that success, for me, is about my relationships as much as my own knowledge.

This week I took several unplanned gaps of time out of my schedule (so much for that eh? priorities though!) to try and help other students come to terms with what is happening in their own lives. And also, to let them know that I care. As cheesy as it sounds, right now, I think we all feel like assholes and we need to know that our fellow classmates 1) feel this way and 2) don't feel this way about fellow journeymen.

I'm guessing this post makes alot of sense for a few people and none at all to most. Apologies!