What a bad, horrible, awful, terrible, long week this has been.
I have a sore throat on top of it all.
Everything that could have been so fun was just under the line, because again friends are having trauma and my husband also has work troubles so.... I am hoping the coming week will be much better.
29.2.08
20.2.08
Being present with others
Have you given any thought to how distracted and distractible you are when you are with others?
Ipods, cell phones, Blackberries, palm tops, music on the speaker system, TV in the back ground, radio on in the car, Internet EVERYWHERE - we are literally bombarded with ways not to be completely present in moments in our lives.
It occurred to me last night when I was at a social function, just how almost incapable we are of focusing on conversation. I watched women, very polite and kind women, glancing at their cell phones to see who was calling or texting. Men were preoccupied with Blackberries and digital camera setups as they stood in groups of other men doing the same. Even the kids had palm tops or blackberries hooked to themselves and sometimes, using Y jacks, to their friends, as the cruised around together.
So is this a good thing? Do we really need this? Going beyond need (because it seems pretty easily answered - Ben Franklin wasn't hooked into his laptop Internet connection while designing that damn stove and he came out ok), do we want this?
Today I make a very small commitment - I will be really present with one other person, for at least one conversation or function or outing, every single day.
That sounds really easy and small but I think of myself, with my cell phone always present, my Ipod in during every run, my laptop constantly on, and maybe it really isn't so easy.
Ipods, cell phones, Blackberries, palm tops, music on the speaker system, TV in the back ground, radio on in the car, Internet EVERYWHERE - we are literally bombarded with ways not to be completely present in moments in our lives.
It occurred to me last night when I was at a social function, just how almost incapable we are of focusing on conversation. I watched women, very polite and kind women, glancing at their cell phones to see who was calling or texting. Men were preoccupied with Blackberries and digital camera setups as they stood in groups of other men doing the same. Even the kids had palm tops or blackberries hooked to themselves and sometimes, using Y jacks, to their friends, as the cruised around together.
So is this a good thing? Do we really need this? Going beyond need (because it seems pretty easily answered - Ben Franklin wasn't hooked into his laptop Internet connection while designing that damn stove and he came out ok), do we want this?
Today I make a very small commitment - I will be really present with one other person, for at least one conversation or function or outing, every single day.
That sounds really easy and small but I think of myself, with my cell phone always present, my Ipod in during every run, my laptop constantly on, and maybe it really isn't so easy.
19.2.08
Still down
Just, down.
Feeling like I need to make some changes, but unsure I can do so yet.
School stuff going well since it is good focus for me. Kids also doing great, and in fact I am off to have lunch with two of them in a few.
Still, the rest has to give at some point.
Feeling like I need to make some changes, but unsure I can do so yet.
School stuff going well since it is good focus for me. Kids also doing great, and in fact I am off to have lunch with two of them in a few.
Still, the rest has to give at some point.
18.2.08
Bumpy roads ahead
It seems like when it rains it pours, eh?
I have to learn not to let the stress of other people become my own and I have to learn it really quick.
Today while I was running I resolved to let go of a couple of situations and just let God or whoever do the work. That is very hard for me.
But it feels necessary.
This past week or so I have really discovered how much of a Pollyanna I really am - and how much I resent being in the company of the uber-negative.
No more. New leaf. I choose me, in the not immortal and not even profound words of Kelly Taylor on 90210.
I have to learn not to let the stress of other people become my own and I have to learn it really quick.
Today while I was running I resolved to let go of a couple of situations and just let God or whoever do the work. That is very hard for me.
But it feels necessary.
This past week or so I have really discovered how much of a Pollyanna I really am - and how much I resent being in the company of the uber-negative.
No more. New leaf. I choose me, in the not immortal and not even profound words of Kelly Taylor on 90210.
11.2.08
I made law review
So yeah I guess the work was worth it, but now it means - more work?
We law students are a funny breed, fighting over the potential to do more work, and pretending all along that a) we don't work that hard at it or b) we worked harder than anyone else leading to c) the ones who don't make it saying they don't care and d) the ones who do make it also pretending they don't care so the ones who didn't make it won't see them as gunners, and then e) the ones who didn't make it or didn't try are actually lucky in some ways because they don't have the extra work but f) they also don't get to put this shit on their resumes which presumably are read by g) a bunch of people who either h) made law review and know it is the hardest job you will hate and not get paid for OR i) didn't make law review but envy those who did, sadly believing the hype that it is some big deal OR j) didn't make law review and hate the ones who did because they stole some pretend job opp, prestige or girl in the process. Really funny is k) the girl who made law review but thought it was going to be paid (???does she read? l) what does this say about the rest of us that did make it that she is among us and m) closely related, does it perhaps mean the selection is more random than admitted?) and also m) the guy who almost got into a fist fight over have his note published in the first date range possible, because he got the list to sign up later than his nemesis. Truly sad is n) I found the meeting amusing, o) the people were new to me so I enjoyed getting to know them but p) all I really wanted was the free food.
q) That was the world's most pointless paragraph with possibly the most uninteresting runon lodged within it. Which r) tells us exactly what quality writers are selected for my school's law review and s) makes me wonder again, why me? If t) my friends who didn't make the main review u) also don't make the second tier review at my school, v) what should I do - w) console them, x) ignore it so they don't feel bad or y) what the hell - congratulate them on escaping the work?
z) jesus wept?
So yeah. I made law review.
We law students are a funny breed, fighting over the potential to do more work, and pretending all along that a) we don't work that hard at it or b) we worked harder than anyone else leading to c) the ones who don't make it saying they don't care and d) the ones who do make it also pretending they don't care so the ones who didn't make it won't see them as gunners, and then e) the ones who didn't make it or didn't try are actually lucky in some ways because they don't have the extra work but f) they also don't get to put this shit on their resumes which presumably are read by g) a bunch of people who either h) made law review and know it is the hardest job you will hate and not get paid for OR i) didn't make law review but envy those who did, sadly believing the hype that it is some big deal OR j) didn't make law review and hate the ones who did because they stole some pretend job opp, prestige or girl in the process. Really funny is k) the girl who made law review but thought it was going to be paid (???does she read? l) what does this say about the rest of us that did make it that she is among us and m) closely related, does it perhaps mean the selection is more random than admitted?) and also m) the guy who almost got into a fist fight over have his note published in the first date range possible, because he got the list to sign up later than his nemesis. Truly sad is n) I found the meeting amusing, o) the people were new to me so I enjoyed getting to know them but p) all I really wanted was the free food.
q) That was the world's most pointless paragraph with possibly the most uninteresting runon lodged within it. Which r) tells us exactly what quality writers are selected for my school's law review and s) makes me wonder again, why me? If t) my friends who didn't make the main review u) also don't make the second tier review at my school, v) what should I do - w) console them, x) ignore it so they don't feel bad or y) what the hell - congratulate them on escaping the work?
z) jesus wept?
So yeah. I made law review.
10.2.08
Tears of a child
My littlest girl is suffering from her very first MeanGirl friendship. She's seven.
Yep, you read it right, and a shout out to all the grown up little girls who totally know what that is about.
My little girl has come upon her firstBabyBitch MeanLittleGirl . I mean that respectfully of course since this child is just a child, but she will grow up, if her path continues as is, to be One of Those Women. We all know them. The ones who think they are better, spend all their time in high school, college, sororities, offices, churches and every other place where women meet, running other women down.
I know this because 1) her mom is alreadyone of those types a MommaBitch and 2) the little girl has chosen my seven year old as her target.
It started out subtly, at least on the part of the girl. My girl had formed a friendship with her immediately last fall, and they seemed to want a playdate. I dallied around and waited, because franklyI already had some interaction with MommaBitch and MamaBitch hated me before she ever spoke to me, so I didn't relish the idea of my child and hers being best buddies. I never said this to my child and in volunteer situations in the class, I noted that the other kid seemed to really like my kid. So, I approached MamaBitch, who said "call me and we'll set it up."
Ladies and gents, I was honestly thrilled. How stupid, right? But I had this idea at that moment that I had been wrong and that MommaBitch was really just like me and I had misjudged her. It was at the class Christmas party and I left feeling so full of peace and goodwill. I gave it a couple of days and called. No callback. OK. I called again and left a second message. Nothing.
Point taken. Maybe. I excused this in my mind because maybe she was busy, her kids were with their noncustodial dad, her message machine was broken, full whatever.
Flash forward. Early this semester on another volunteer day Baby Bitch, yes a child so sue me, told me I was not as scary and mean as her mom told her I was and would I please talk to her mom so she would know this. I could have picked my jaw up off the floor because who tells a kid this, ever? More to the point, my three interactions with MamaBitch in actual person had always been friendly, and though we do live ina very "we are snooty and you are not one of us" little subdivision, I am generally a well-accepted outsider. And heck, I am friendly and polite.
(Side note, this woman is one I have posted about before who seems to know me through another person who has reason to bad mouth me, he thinks - but still, come on, that is very far removed and would you really poison your kid's mind over some third party's gripes???)
Since then, that very day, all semester, my youngest child, a social butterfly and loved by all, has come home depressed most days from school and has slowly been having and increasing number of "tummy aches" and head aches and not wanting to go to school and you know the drill....Today she tells me she needs to see the counselor. She is being bullied. The BabyBitch has told her she hates her now, and has been telling my child for weeks that all her friends don't like her and none of the adults like her, and so forth. Ladies, again, I call to your wisdom, cause you know the "girlfriend" drill. This is how MeanGirls start, is it not?
My real quandry is - how do I resolve this issue for my kiddo? I have tried to tell her to ignore it (and for awhile she did, and hung with other kids, but now that recess is indoors all the time, she has access only to kids in her class who have to pick a friend and since the other little girl has known them since PreK and my girl has only been around a year....you know how that goes). I have tried to resolve it with the mom but truly, not since the "no call back" thing. My girl has asked the child for playdates in front of me (only to be told the child wouldcall her that night, and when she doesn't, my girl calls her and is ignored and not called back). My girl has become a sad and lonely kid in the space of two months, and I can't stand it.
Today I emailed the teacher. Gave her the basics and asked for help. Was that wrong? Is this a situation, even in second grade, that a parent needs to get involved in? I truly see my very gregarious child becoming depressed. If it were my third grader, I would know she probably had more part in her own fate, as she is more of an attitudey kid, but the youngest just plain isn't. She loved school and people until this mess began.
And is there more I should do with this mom and her inability to communicate with me directly? This is ridiculous. Mean Girls, coming to a Wannabe near you, eh? Was I out of line? What should I do? What should I have done?
Yep, you read it right, and a shout out to all the grown up little girls who totally know what that is about.
My little girl has come upon her first
I know this because 1) her mom is already
It started out subtly, at least on the part of the girl. My girl had formed a friendship with her immediately last fall, and they seemed to want a playdate. I dallied around and waited, because frankly
Ladies and gents, I was honestly thrilled. How stupid, right? But I had this idea at that moment that I had been wrong and that MommaBitch was really just like me and I had misjudged her. It was at the class Christmas party and I left feeling so full of peace and goodwill. I gave it a couple of days and called. No callback. OK. I called again and left a second message. Nothing.
Point taken. Maybe. I excused this in my mind because maybe she was busy, her kids were with their noncustodial dad, her message machine was broken, full whatever.
Flash forward. Early this semester on another volunteer day Baby Bitch, yes a child so sue me, told me I was not as scary and mean as her mom told her I was and would I please talk to her mom so she would know this. I could have picked my jaw up off the floor because who tells a kid this, ever? More to the point, my three interactions with MamaBitch in actual person had always been friendly, and though we do live ina very "we are snooty and you are not one of us" little subdivision, I am generally a well-accepted outsider. And heck, I am friendly and polite.
(Side note, this woman is one I have posted about before who seems to know me through another person who has reason to bad mouth me, he thinks - but still, come on, that is very far removed and would you really poison your kid's mind over some third party's gripes???)
Since then, that very day, all semester, my youngest child, a social butterfly and loved by all, has come home depressed most days from school and has slowly been having and increasing number of "tummy aches" and head aches and not wanting to go to school and you know the drill....Today she tells me she needs to see the counselor. She is being bullied. The BabyBitch has told her she hates her now, and has been telling my child for weeks that all her friends don't like her and none of the adults like her, and so forth. Ladies, again, I call to your wisdom, cause you know the "girlfriend" drill. This is how MeanGirls start, is it not?
My real quandry is - how do I resolve this issue for my kiddo? I have tried to tell her to ignore it (and for awhile she did, and hung with other kids, but now that recess is indoors all the time, she has access only to kids in her class who have to pick a friend and since the other little girl has known them since PreK and my girl has only been around a year....you know how that goes). I have tried to resolve it with the mom but truly, not since the "no call back" thing. My girl has asked the child for playdates in front of me (only to be told the child wouldcall her that night, and when she doesn't, my girl calls her and is ignored and not called back). My girl has become a sad and lonely kid in the space of two months, and I can't stand it.
Today I emailed the teacher. Gave her the basics and asked for help. Was that wrong? Is this a situation, even in second grade, that a parent needs to get involved in? I truly see my very gregarious child becoming depressed. If it were my third grader, I would know she probably had more part in her own fate, as she is more of an attitudey kid, but the youngest just plain isn't. She loved school and people until this mess began.
And is there more I should do with this mom and her inability to communicate with me directly? This is ridiculous. Mean Girls, coming to a Wannabe near you, eh? Was I out of line? What should I do? What should I have done?
6.2.08
Politics
What the hell - we are spoilt for choice this year, aren't we?
Instead of the usual litany of wealthy, same looking guys, we have both a woman and a black man in the running for President.
What I wonder is, once we settle on Obama or Hillary on the blue team, will the other one become the running mate? I realize this is not so likely historically but who wouldn't love that? ALL the votes in one basket and finally some real represntation for women and African Americans. How could that NOT be a hit?
Is anyone out there just as "either or" as I am about the two real contenders for Democratic candidacy?
Instead of the usual litany of wealthy, same looking guys, we have both a woman and a black man in the running for President.
What I wonder is, once we settle on Obama or Hillary on the blue team, will the other one become the running mate? I realize this is not so likely historically but who wouldn't love that? ALL the votes in one basket and finally some real represntation for women and African Americans. How could that NOT be a hit?
Is anyone out there just as "either or" as I am about the two real contenders for Democratic candidacy?
4.2.08
How Not to Save a Life, revisited
For some reason, I am having some serious resurgence of the hurt and sadness I felt in the period where I lost a close friend. I have no idea why - right now things are going well for me and I am pleasantly surprised with how much I like law school overall. Maybe I feel finally secure enough in myself to face the brunt of the hurt dead on and finally face it down?
Anyway, I am kinda quiet only because 1) I am busy with keeping school work done and 2) I am letting myself experience the hurt. It's not really easy to let this feeling just wash over me in the waves, especially almost eighteen months later, but there it is. And I'm not going to run from it.
Anyway, I am kinda quiet only because 1) I am busy with keeping school work done and 2) I am letting myself experience the hurt. It's not really easy to let this feeling just wash over me in the waves, especially almost eighteen months later, but there it is. And I'm not going to run from it.
2.2.08
Lovin' life
It is a beautiful day in my neighborhood.
Yes, I am for real.
It is nice out, I have very little work to do today, and it is SuperBowl Saturday! Have some chips and take a walk, readers.
This weekend will probably not come again until school is out in May.
Yes, I am for real.
It is nice out, I have very little work to do today, and it is SuperBowl Saturday! Have some chips and take a walk, readers.
This weekend will probably not come again until school is out in May.
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