Jobs and Kids

Not my kids, this time. My kids don't have jobs. Well. They have chores. But we don't pay for those, so at best they are volunteers. No. That doesn't work either. Because they don't want to do the chores.

Is that child labor?

Anyway. Got started off all wrong there. Kids in the title refers to the young fresh sweet students I teach. They are all starting to think about jobs and panicking a little. Because at our school, all the research jobs have been cut, due to the economy; likewise, most firms are not hiring, due again to the economy. And the new crop of students has not had time to make connections so that they can breathe a sigh of relief - or even of hope.

Today, they were peppering me with questions, not about the usual stuff like what this professor will want on an exam or how another professor is horribly hard to understand, but about how the heck they are going to find jobs. Even the kids at the top of the class (after one semester) are worried.

Which makes me think, if these guys, who in the grand scheme of things probably don't really NEED jobs to survive, are this worried - how much more the graduating class in May?

Somewhere over the rainbow

...houses are clean.
....kids get along, over the rainbow....
....this is just a mom's dream.....

Oh, my house is a wreck, and my kids are bickering, and I just want to bury my head under the covers and get warm.

School's going well, and so are jobs, so it stands to reason that yes, the home front is in need of serious, drastic work. Sigh.

Such is the life of a law school mom.

Control

Is life really all about choosing to exercise, or not exercise, self-control?

I mean, is my school career down to nothing more than self-control re: studying as opposed to say, time on Facebook or playing online scrabble or diligently checking the weather?

My kids, if I exercised more self-control about keeping our schedule myself, would they all be happy, healthy, wise and wealthy?

Diet - well, duh, if I had self-control there would be no diet.

Ditto exercise - although on this one I actually do have self-control.

Reaction to situations - if I controlled my own reactions, and refused to get flustered (say, when I get called on in class or when I am talking court), would the reaction eventually be submissive to my will? (Big stretch eh? But that basically is the "fake it till you feel it" idea isn't it?)

Depression - can I control this myself? I really don't see how???

Change

Today was a big day for the country, of course.

I'm relieved that it all went off without trouble.

And SO happy that our country has made a step out of a troubled, shameful past of segregation.

My daughter asked me today, "Does this mean maybe a woman will be President next?" Because we have talked about suffrage and how the black man got the right to vote, then women.

Maybe she's onto something.

Today I am happy because...

1) My law schoolmates again showed me they have hearts.
2) I get to have lunch with two of my favorite friends next week.
3) I ran in the snow.
4) My kids are all safe and well.
5) I am doing fairly well juggling my life at the moment.
6) Maybe there is hope.

That's all.

Poking my head out a little

I think this bout with the depression is passing. My days don't feel as dark. My moods are not as focused on the past. I can get out of bed at the normal times instead of barely crawling out in time to make it to the day's first appointment.

I'm almost afraid to hope though. Because this time was really bad. Only one other time was worse and the situation had a huge part of that. This time, there was no real situation. Just me.

Anyway, classes started yesterday and internship today. I like the internship way better.

Smarty Pants

My two younger daughters are getting too smart for me. They managed to dupe me into playing XBOx with them. Yeah. I really suck.

Then, my middle child talked me into her third sleepover of the week.

And now, against my supposedly mature judgment, I am about to embark upon a driving lesson with my oldest. My oldest. A driver. Oiy.

Ah school

It begins again on Monday and I am finding myself quite reticent about the whole thing. On one hand, it is getting much easier, which is nice. On the other hand, it is getting much easier, so I am becoming perhaps too laissez faire in my approach?

I am enjoying work and seem to have a good schedule for work/school/kids balance. But I still find myself missing the kids alot.

Goofing off

Is about to come to an end. The kids are back in school already :-(. And I will be soon. I like break. I don't wanna go sit in class and pretend to listen and half study. I'm whiny today. I miss my kids. I miss my sleeping in. I like doing nothing.

*Note, I had exactly three days of doing nothing all of break. But still.

Trapped in a writing bubble

My school requires a writing project for all graduates - perhaps every school does? - and I ambitiously signed up for this semester, hoping to complete it early. My intention was to complete it over the break, but the damned depression held me down for so long that I am really just starting the writing of this forty pages bit*&.

So be it. It is my goal to have half or more done by the time school starts next week.

Is this crazy? Yes, yes, yes, it is, and I am very committed to it anyway!

First day, fourth time

My classes resume next week. It seems so quick, this year. I remember last year I was champing at the bit, ready to be back. This year I am something more mild, slightly more relaxed and somehow reticent.

There are grades, and assignments, and work and things to be done, but I feel - at peace. The long, lingering effects of depression are wearing off a bit, but leave behind the feeling that, even when I finish school, things won't change much. I will still be me, and there will still be ups and downs and then the real lows.

Right now, that isn't depressing or illuminating. It just is.